How to Help Your Children (and Yourself) Get Ahead

One of the things every parent wants is for their children to succeed. Everyone defines success differently, but everyone wants success. The way we respond to a specific success will significantly impact the frequency and quality of future successes.

When my wife became pregnant with our first child, I did what I do before almost any challenge. I went to the library and bookstores and read some books on parenting education, etc. The topic of education has been close to my heart for about fifteen years now (Happy Birthday, Reut, this month). The topic has remained in my consciousness as I often hear clients or other people say something along the lines of 'It's a shame they didn't teach us that in school" in the context of financial decisions.

This week I learned about how it's recommended to react when a daughter brings home a good grade from school. An acceptable reaction would be something like "You're so smart, I'm proud of you and a hug." Mistake!

If a girl's intelligence is praised, she might understand that she possesses an innate trait of "being smart" and therefore succeeded (not because of what she did). The expected result is less investment in studying for the next test – "I'm smart anyway, so why study?" A much better response would be something along the lines of, "I saw you worked hard before the test and the result is evident." This response encourages continued hard work in the future and is therefore expected to maintain and improve future performance. In an experiment that was conducted, a class of children was randomly divided into two groups, and the children were given an intelligence test. Regardless of the test results, the children were praised according to one of two patterns – "You are smart" / "You worked hard..." Later, the intelligence test was repeated, and it was observed that the children's results were affected by how their performance was addressed. Those whose intelligence was praised achieved worse results. Those whose hard work was praised achieved better results.

With children during an emergency

I made the video even before the missile attacks and all the other troubles that have befallen us. Sudden, unexpected events (with all due respect to those who, after the event occurs, claim they "foresaw" it or that it was "unavoidable") happen often in life. The coronavirus was like that, and so are missiles or riots. As citizens, we have no control over these events. We only have control over how we behave in the face of these events. Since education is my top priority this time, I will say that the way we behave in the face of an emergency will, in my opinion, affect our children for their entire lives much more than a few alarms in the middle of the night. I remember from my army service the immense challenge of transitioning from sleeping safely in the barracks to full operational status due to an alarm. The way to do this well was simply practice and turning rare actions into automatic ones. Even before the first alarm, my wife and I thought about where would be the best place for us to be if there was an alarm (we don't have a safe room). We left a light on in the place we were supposed to go. I slept in clothes that wouldn't embarrass me (or more accurately, your father) if I emerged from bed with the teenage girls of the house. We were afraid we wouldn't hear the siren, so I went to sleep early, my wife went to sleep late, and before that, she woke me up so I could sleep with one ear open (in fact, I was reading a book). So when there was a siren in the middle of the night, I woke everyone up, and in the minute we had to get organized, we were already able to sit on the mattress that had been prepared in advance and hug.

If we hadn't made preparations, everything would have been done in real-time in a panic, leading to worse results and significantly worsening the severity of the event. Remember that there are casualties on the way to the safe room regardless of a missile falling nearby. In the army, we called this practicing "cases and responses.' In recent days, I've been thinking about what I would do if there were a siren while I was showering, while walking the dog outside, I edited the video with only one earbud in my ear and the other listening outside, etc. Practice routinely (even in thought) and be calm and efficient in real-time. This is important for you and your children.

A little about situation 2

Before Corona, I wrote a forecast for Israel in 2020 and the rest of the decade. During Corona, I wrote outlines with updates to this forecast. As time passed, my forecast became more and more rosy. I truly think our situation has never been better (don't confuse this with our situation being good, it's not the same). Well, maybe I waited too long? I don't think so. I think events, both internally and externally, will calm down and our fundamentals will set the tone. As mentioned, perhaps more on that later.

You are warmly invited to comment below. I read and reply to every comment.

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