How do we proceed from here?

11/10/2023 – Two days after the Simchat Torah massacre.

What I think should and shouldn't be done during this challenging time, and greetings from the snows of October 1973.

Introduction

Before the holiday, I published an interview I conducted with my parents about the Yom Kippur War, 50 years ago this month. Before this interview, I was very excited and did it even though my father said, "Why do you need to record me? I was in the Air Force, but not a pilot. I didn't conquer the Golan Heights, and I didn't cross the Suez Canal." I, on the other hand, thought that a 33-year-old man who leaves his wife and baby for half a year of reserve duty in one day is a story worth telling from both the soldier's perspective and the wife's perspective. Both parts of the interview are successful in my eyes today. I loved how, despite the very difficult time, the conversation is ultimately an optimistic one. My mother, for example, recounted that the long period she was alone with a baby after her studies at the college were interrupted due to the war was a lonely time. To alleviate her loneliness, she said, she would go every evening to a good friend who was sitting Shiva for her husband, who was killed along with two young children, while she was pregnant. I thought that the recording, with its optimistic tone despite the difficult experiences described within it, would be a kind of marker of proportion for the wonderful period we are in. Due to a malfunction, the email was not sent on the eve of the holiday. The holiday arrived, and it turned out that the difficult experiences described 50 years ago are a walk in the park compared to the things families are dealing with today. Before you move on, you can listen to the recording mentioned below or on any podcast app.

Things you shouldn't do at this time

As humans, we have almost permanent programming. Faced with a problem, we are supposed to act. We evolved in a relatively simple environment. You see a leopard and you need to think whether to band together with a few people to try and hunt it, or alternatively, to look for a way to escape so it doesn't hunt you. All the time, we think about the action to take in the face of some "leopard" approaching us personally or our tribe. The problem is that in our world, we have no leopards that we can attack. I will testify about myself that on Saturday, I got up for my morning run and at its end, the news from the Gaza border began to arrive. The first inclination was to put on a uniform, take a weapon, and "get them." Best with Benni on the sights, Rami on the loading, and Raad in the commander's position, just like back in 1990 when we heard on the radio in the Ka'okaba outpost the cry of our comrades in a nearby tank on the radio, "Zugita, here 1A, they are shooting at me, they are shooting at me." But... it's been over ten years since the IDF gave up my services after I volunteered for a few more years even though I had passed 40. The tank I fought with is a decrepit old woman used as target practice for other tanks. Therefore, this alternative is not suitable for me, just as it is not suitable for most Israeli civilians. Still, our minds transmit a desire for action. This is the stage where we reach the danger zone where we want to act on the one hand, but we have no way to act on the other, and then we start doing harmful things. Here are a few harmful things that can be done.

An exaggerated desire to "understand" the incomprehensible

The brain is an information junkie. Information provides a sense of security. The problem is there is no source of information that satisfies the urge. In response, people continue to consume more and more of the available and existing drug. They consume more and more communication, networks, etc. There is nothing beneficial in these information sources. I may sound extremely insensitive, but no shocking TikTok video you see will improve the condition of any murdered or kidnapped person. You must also take care of yourselves and your souls.

Psychologists have defined endless scrolling as serving two psychological purposes:

1. Sense of control – I know what's happening, which means I'm in control. I wrote above where it stems from. It has nothing to do with the modern world unless I'm in the role of an officer in the field, a surgeon in an operating room, etc., and the information is the resource by which I'll know what to do.
2. Guilt – We feel terrible about what happened and think that if we see another awful video or article about one of our own suffering terribly, we will share that suffering with them and perhaps lessen it. That's true if we are talking to someone. The custom of Shiva is built on exactly this. We go to the person suffering the most and share with them. Watching videos of hostages, murder victims, etc., doesn't help anyone and harms us greatly.

The amount of information and videos is far beyond what our minds can handle. Remember that our minds evolved over thousands of years of stories around the campfire or at home with a relatively small number of people and without visual effects. People who had a small child with a rifle pointed at their head were probably scarred forever. To help them, we, who fortunately did not experience this firsthand, must be steadfast to help rebuild our society and country in the coming years. There is no reason for us to harm ourselves by going online into the inferno. Those now releasing videos from Gaza are artists who want exactly that. To harm, besides the thousands in the first circle of warfare, also many thousands more. Be strong and don't let them have it.

Most of us know that eating junk food beyond a certain amount is very harmful to us. The mind seems to be more resilient. Thousands suffering from post-traumatic results teach us that this is not the case. Treat the things you put in your ears and eyes exactly like the things you put in your mouth. With great caution.

Hasty actions

Remember how at the beginning of the Coronavirus crisis and the first lockdown, people all over the world bought toilet paper? Even then, it seemed very strange to me. I mean, even if you thought there would be an unimaginable catastrophe and you'd be locked down for a long time without the ability to stock up, etc., it would be better to buy non-perishable canned goods rather than toilet paper, which would be useless without food anyway. It seemed like an instinct to 'have to do something" combined with logic that said if you're going to stock up, might as well stock up on something you buy anyway. It didn't make sense, even if a doomsday scenario had occurred.

In the same way, terrible news can cause us to evaluate reality differently than we will evaluate these events in, say, a year when we look back. Don't get me wrong. This is a terrible catastrophe that will change the country. But... I am quite sure that for better or for worse, in two years we will look back and, aside from the victims and those who remember the days of terror, it will be another memory of something that before 2020 we didn't think could happen, and from 2020 we know that it can. Just as today the warning signs for a tsunami in Tel Aviv seem bizarre, but if one day a tsunami happens in the Mediterranean Sea, we will know from that moment on that this thing is possible. We didn't think a settlement could be conquered.

I want to take a moment and return you to a story from my reserve duty. We were at a post in Samaria, and then it was decided that one night we would go and return 5 stolen Israeli cars to their owners. Intelligence determined that they were in one of the nearby villages. Our company commander requested that all of the sappers accompany the force. This seemed like a strange request that would delay the entire operation and could even render it useless if the cars were taken further. He explained. If I were a terrorist, what would be easier than stealing five cars? Fill the trunk with explosives and then have IDF soldiers bring them into one of the bases? I want sappers and a bomb disposal expert to check the cars before my soldiers enter them. The company commander did not reinvent the wheel. In Lebanon, there were several incidents where terrorists supposedly left behind weapons and equipment during their escape, but it turned out to be booby-trapped items.

Until today, we didn't think a certain event could happen, and now we know. On a personal level, I think it will quickly become clear that this is not a breakdown of world order except in the context of the security perception in Gaza. Here are things not to do in the wake of these events:

1. Changes to your investment portfolio. If you chose to invest in the stock market, it was with the knowledge that there would be days of gains and days of losses. If you panic during days of losses, you will not enjoy days of gains. There's no way to know when "the situation has calmed down.".
2. Changes or withdrawal of pension funds This isn't just related to current events, but in general, there's a wave of people who think that if they withdraw their pension funds and invest them themselves, they will live in greater prosperity in old age. This is highly unlikely to happen. Don't do that. Don't you trust your pension to provide you with a good enough standard of living in old age? Invest in yourself. In addition to investing in the pension fund. You don't have spare money to invest? Then perhaps your financial management needs improvement, but this only strengthens the argument against withdrawing your pension funds. There is no need for route changes either. Yes, I know there are many who say the opposite. That's the situation. Different people have different thoughts. Perhaps in the future I'll write a special article about pensions and address every claim that is made from time to time.

Conspiracies

Our brain loves answers to things. When the picture isn't complete, the brain fills it in. Please see a real picture:

Which darker square background is the one with the letter A on it, or the one with the letter B on it?

When I show this image in lectures, most people are sure that letter A is on a square with a darker background. Are you sure too? I am. It's really clear that square A's moment is darker. But... if I cut out only the squares using graphics software (you're welcome to do it yourself) and display them out of the context of the larger image, I get:

Now I guess we can agree that the moment of the two squares in the exact same shade. Uh... How did that happen?

Our eye is an amazing organ, but most vision is actually performed in the brain. The eye, with its systems, converts photons of light that hit it into electrical signals (somewhat reminiscent of a fax machine that converted light reflections into sound signals, which were then converted into electrical signals for transmission to another distant device that performed the reverse translation). The brain receives these electrical signals from both eyes and processes the image, both by creating a three-dimensional image from combining the image from both eyes into one, and by completing missing details based on its logic and past experience. In the image above, the eye received exactly the same stream of photons from square B as it did from square A, and converted it into the same electrical signals. The brain, on the other hand, told itself: I received exactly the same signal from B and A, but B is in shadow (from the green cylinder), so if both look the same, but one is on the side, it must have originally been lighter. Another factor misleading the brain is the fact that the signal itself written on each square (A or B) is written in a different shade. A is lighter than B.

Our brains are accustomed to completing imperfect stories. Without story completion, we feel uneasy. When something so strange and difficult to understand happens, like a situation where the border fence is breached, hundreds of terrorists enter in broad daylight and simply take over communities and bases, murdering and taking as hostages babies, children, the elderly, and adults. Unimaginable and difficult-to-comprehend images. We hate to be left with a feeling of not understanding how this happened, and some of us move on to alternative narratives. I have no interest in repeating conspiracy theories like the betrayal of X, the betrayal of Y, and so on. All I can suggest is that you don't go there with your thoughts. In normal cases, conspiracies emerge and then die. Who remembers today the conspiracy about COVID lockdowns to install antennas? G5 Without knowing or the opposite theory that the G5 network is the cause of Corona, etc. The origin of the conspiracy theory related to the fifth generation of mobile phones was identified in Russia as a type of psychological warfare intended to undermine Western regimes. There were indeed countries like the Netherlands, Britain, Cyprus, Switzerland, Belgium, Italy, and others where citizens embarked on a spree of destruction of cellular antennas.

One of the worst things about a state of war is civilians and soldiers who think there are traitors among them and therefore must constantly look over their shoulders to check if they are being betrayed, and hesitate before carrying out any instruction or order because it might come from a "traitor." Months ago, Iran's effort in the networks to spread psychological warfare against Israel was identified. Do not cooperate with this and do not spread theories. We have enough trouble. As someone who served 20 years in reserves, spending a month each year near one border fence or another, I have a fairly good hypothesis about what happened, but I do not presume to think my hypothesis is definitively correct. In any case, this is not a site for military commentary, and any military commentary is better given by someone more than a sergeant first class in the reserves.

What you should do and what will help you

If you listen to the video with my mother upstairs, you will swear she recounts how on Yom Kippur '73 she and other women found themselves alone with children, including other people's children, like the baby whose father was injured and whose mother was at the father's bedside in the hospital, or the woman in advanced pregnancy with two small children who was observing mourning for her husband killed on the front lines. My mother is not a mental health professional, and to be clear, neither am I, but out of survival instinct, they did three things that are highly recommended by professionals:

1. Try to establish a routine – Even if you don't have the full ability to be effective at work, try to work. If the children are home and you haven't gone to work, try to establish a beneficial home routine. Try to play with the children. Set three regular meals. And so on and so forth. In the video with Ami, for example, she spoke about how important it would have been for them as secular people to build the sukkah a few days after Yom Kippur.
2. Something with good people Your surroundings affect you. I first went to buy the roasted coffee I like. Many people are talking in line about this terrible video and that terrible video and about this thing or that thing happening. Yesterday I waited in line for 6 hours and didn't hear a single person whose conversation was about that.
3. Find things you love and do them as much as possible – My mother said how much the song "Lo Yehi" strengthened her, which was on her lips throughout the months of struggle. Music is indeed a great medicine for those who love it. A good time to try meditation, exercise, or anything else that allows the mind to relax.

Giving

I previously noted our natural need for some kind of activity. Yesterday I couldn't sit at home anymore, and work was also out of the question beyond one mortgage signing that was completed. So I went to donate blood at Tel HaShomer. Well, if you want to meet good people, this is the right place.

The hospital established three massive blood donation complexes. Despite dozens of donation beds, people waited patiently, without urgency or anger, for a prolonged period. Six hours In my case. A woman I watched for hours, managing the entire event without a moment's rest, triumphed over everything. Reading numbers, calming people, explaining. I asked her if she always works in this field, and she surprised me: "I'm not even a paramedic or a hospital worker. I'm a manager at a startup. I came with my daughter to donate blood this morning and saw they needed help, so I stayed. I can't concentrate on my work, so it's better for me to be here." The blood was taken from me by a gynecology resident who was drafted for reserve duty the day before. I asked him if they needed all this blood, and according to him, a surgery might require, say, 4 units. Some of the injured will need more than one surgery. Or as he put it, "You're a mortgage advisor, do the math." Great respect to the mother with twins who came to donate, bringing her mother along for support with the twins.

Heroines are also the two young women who came to donate blood and gently tried to ask to go ahead of others. When they were told that others had already been waiting for hours, they replied that they were survivors of the festival massacre and had two funerals of friends to attend soon, but still, they asked to donate blood beforehand. I don't know if they read this in a book or if it's an instinct, but yes, when you give from your heart, you receive a lot, and not just a tropical drink and a cookie in the case of blood donation.

In general, one of the best ways to get out of a difficult situation is to help others. Today, my daughter, along with some other youth group leaders, sat on Zoom all morning with young children and did various activities with them. Tomorrow, she will go pack food portions. There are endless possibilities for engaging in giving, and it's a wonderful way to incorporate all of the above: meaning, companionship with good people, routine, action, and prevention of exposure to harmful content.

Want to donate money, volunteer, or contribute in many other ways, including if you need psychological or other assistance – click here

I walked around downtown yesterday. It was as deserted as during COVID. Now think about two pizza parlor owners. Neither of them has any customers. The first one sits at home or in his empty pizza parlor complaining about the government not compensating him, not helping him, not giving him, etc. The second one is in the exact same situation. He has a pizza parlor with no customers. But he decides to change his mindset and do something meaningful instead of sitting around scrolling through his feed. He lends his pizza parlor to people who want to organize a donation drive for people evacuated from their homes or whose homes were burned down. He doesn't earn a single shekel, but he's working full-time from morning till night. Work with purpose. Good people are around him. He sees smiles. He is told thank you. He says thank you to others. After some time, when it's all over, objectively, both experienced the same event, but in reality, each of them will be in a completely different place.

If you've made it this far, then congratulations. It took me longer than usual to write this article. This article was a kind of therapy for me too. In general, when we are grateful for the good things in our lives and focus on them, our condition improves, and there's a chance that more good things will come. In the past, I opened my optimistic photo album for you. There is no doubt that it is better to concentrate on such things.

I wish to dedicate this article to the memory of Ofir Leibstein z"l, head of the Sha'ar HaNegev regional council, who, as a citizen, charged at terrorists who infiltrated his kibbutz and was killed. His son, Nitzan, was injured and is missing. Ofir is the brother of Doron Leibstein, from whom I have learned and continue to learn a great deal about difficult and good times. I hope we get through this period, for which nothing can truly prepare us. So much mourning and pain. I am confident that out of the darkness, we will rise tomorrow morning and begin anew. I ask that we and all our loved ones be granted peace and strength. May all we desire come to pass.

You are invited to share any thoughts in the comments below. I read everything.

To better days, Rimon 054-5232-799 rimon@effm.co.il